Mind your language!

​ᗰIᑎᗪ YOᑌᖇ ᒪᗩᑎGᑌᗩGE!
If we have learned anything from the last couple of posts, it's that language matters. The words we use to sooth or dismiss or congratulate or to convey our condolences makes a big impact.
We need to change how we say things in most situations, but even more so in the birthing world. How is it that we say "The gynecologist/midwife delivered a healthy baby" but when there's a sleeping baby involved we say "The mom delivered a stillborn"?
Let's look at the first statement: by saying the gynecologist or midwife delivered the baby, we give very little recognition to the birthing person and everything to the person who assisted them. Surely the birthing person delivered the baby and the gynecologist or midwife assisted?
This brings us to the second statement, when compared to the first one, this now places the blame 100% on the birthing person. It might seem like something silly, but when we look at it, this definitely leaves a big black mark on the score card. The mom walks away with an empty womb, empty arms and enormous amounts of guilt. She blames herself, obviously it was her fault right? She was the one carrying, she is the one who i̶s̶ was pregnant, they even said she delivered the sleeping baby, so everyone automatically blames her? Right? Right? Then the friend comes along and says things like "you need to ask forgiveness for saying you don't want children".
As soon as a new baby is born one of the first things people ask is if it was natural birth (sometimes also normal) or was it a c-sec. Read that again! This suggests that a cesarean birth isn't normal. Some even go as far as saying a cesarean isn't birth! Or a cesarean is the easy way out. But is it?
Every birth story is unique. Behind every cesarean birth there's a person with a lot of emotions. Even those who have a vaginal birth are met with scrutiny. "So did you have an epidural?" this is often asked with judgment, because obviously it's only a real "normal" birth when it's done un-medicated? Wrong!
We are not the birthing empires! We aren't even spectators. We should all be cheerleaders, water boys and snack vendors.
When visiting a new mom, skip the "you look tired" or the "is he/she a good baby?" and even "haven't you fed him like 5 minutes ago?". Instead say things like "I'm so happy to meet your new baby" and "your eyes sparkle when you look at her, it's beautiful to see" and "would you like me to help you with burping him after you have fed him, that way you get to go to the loo if you need"
What we say matters. How we say it matters. Feelings are important and when you are not sensitive to other people's feelings or emotions, it's best to stick to the basics (congratulations, how are you doing, I'll make tea) and avoid taking over the conversation! Only share your story when asked!